Last Week I found Out That I am Dying...

Last week I found out that I am Dying...

I found a lump.  Every woman on the planet has had that fear.  This month is breast cancer awareness month.  There are pink ribbons everywhere.  There are reminders everywhere to do self exams, but that is not what prompted me to do one.  I had pain, tenderness if you will, and I couldn't figure out why.  So I checked and I found a lump.  I did what I do with most problems and ignored it, hoping it would go away, but it didn't.  I finally told my husband and we got the ball rolling on some tests.  My doctor confirmed the lump and sent me that seem day to get a mammogram.  I kept telling myself it was nothing.  I kept assuring myself that everything was normal, but when they brought me back to do a second mammogram, I started to worry a little bit.  After the second mammogram they had to do an ultrasound.  A little more fear crept in.  The technician who was doing the ultrasound took a long time.  She kept coming back to the same area and taking pictures.  I could tell it wasn't good.  Then she told me that she was going to bring a doctor in to talk to me.  As I was lying on the table, I tried to pretend that the doctor was just coming in to give an all clear sign, but I knew in my heart that was not what was about to happen.  After the doctor did her own ultrasound, she told me that I would need to come in the following day for a biopsy.  The situation was not looking good.  Then the worst part of the day happened.  The technician and the doctor no longer treated me like a patient.  They started being very kind and caring.  The tone of their voice changed.  They both became softer and more gentle with me.  Never in my life had I wished for a doctor to be impersonal with me until that moment.  I knew something was very wrong. 

I came back the next day for the biopsy and then the dreaded 72 hour wait started.  Do you know how many awful scenarios that your brain can come up with in 72 hours.  Do you know how many scared tears can be shed in 72 hours.  Do you know just how unimportant all the day to day things seem in 72 hours.  I stopped going to the gym in the mornings to work out.  What did I care what my figured looked like if I was going to die.  I normally shop and sell on EBay every week but in that 72 hours, I couldn't have cared less if I made money.  I wanted to just lie in bed for 72 hours, but I didn't want to alert my children before I knew if something was definitely wrong.  So I carried on with my day to day activities.  I went grocery shopping, I went to a hockey game, I coached volleyball...  and I realized in those 72 hours just what things in life really matter and what things are just a waste of time.  I saw people be rude and mean to other people and I thought in my head, "What if they just received terrible news like I did and people are treating them that way?"  I realized in those 72 hours that you just never really know what a person is going through, so be nice to everyone.

 God in his mercy let the doctors expedite my tests and the results came a day sooner than we expected.  Right before I was about to coach a volleyball game I answered a call on my cell from my doctor.  The tumor wasn't malignant.  I did not have cancer.  I don't ever think I have experienced that kind of relief before.  Life seemed to flood back into my body.  Hope was restored. 

That evening, in the quietness of my living room the Lord spoke to my heart and it was then that I realized that I was still dying.  We all are.  It might not be from cancer, but our life on this Earth is short.  A vapor if you will.  Here today and gone tomorrow.  We should live each day like I had to during that 72 hours.  We should be evaluating just what things are really important and what is a waste of time.  Trust me, clothes and money and entertainment slide way down on the list of important things when you are in that 72 hours.  The thing that I thought about most during that time was my family that didn't know Christ and the ones that I loved that have moved away from God.  I wanted my life or my death to touch them and move them to God.  I thought of my girls and wondered if I had taught them the things that they would need to take them into womanhood and still love the Lord.  I wondered if I had shown my husband enough love.  I wished I had told my extended family more often that I loved them.

I truly believe that God gave me a vision during those 72 hours of how he wants His children to live here on Earth.  Live like it is temporary.  Don't wait to do His will.  Focus on the important.  Yes. I learned this week that I am dying...someday.  You are too!  Make your life count!